#59 lessons and life lived (2025)
you never know how it ripples
Published 11 posts! That’s almost once a month, which was more than I thought. (This year I’d love to 2x that number.) Tried new formats like releasing my weekly reflections into the wild and going back to musing on objects; shared my conversation with one of the smartest people I know; still cutie spotting; having fun.
Went from I need to swim x laps to let me keep swimming for the next 30, allowing thoughts to flow without having to keep count. Feels like a life lesson in there.
“instead of trying to achieve a version of a life i have in my head, why not focus on doing what’s fulfilling for me in the day-to-day and be surprised by where it leads me? taking a step at a time; focus on how i feel in the present rather than where i think it’s gonna lead me.”1
Honestly the best thing when you have friends who call you out and have hard conversations with you.
Closed the doors to opportunities that didn’t feel right even when I thought I wanted them.
For a long time “why not?” fuelled me. This year I asked “why?” instead.
“What do you mean try?”, something D would say every time I say I’d try to do something. You’re either doing it, or not.
Marina Abramović’s ‘one good idea’2 and Elizabeth Strout’s ‘one story many ways’3. What’s that one thing that’s actually true to you? The version of the story you don’t have to tweak for anyone else.
An incompetent therapist and a damaging therapy experience, where I still stayed for ten sessions. My tolerance for bad behaviour and its consequences had hit another low, which has, mercifully now, spurred clarity and healthier boundaries.
“I still feel lost from a long-term perspective, but it’s okay I guess I’m doing what I can with what I know now.” Can’t believe that’s how I started the year and look where I am now.
I used to be worse for being confrontational with friends. Better now because I’ve learnt so much looking to N, and have much to thank for the safe space that many of my friendships offer. It’s been so refreshing and assuring to work through things together and grow in my friendships.
A health scare, which necessitated a surgery; went under general anaesthesia for the first time. As the health test results set in, I was more just stunned than anything. Offering words of comfort, E shared she’s learnt if you’re spiralling about the worst case scenario, then the thing you’re worrying about hasn’t happened yet, and that if it does, you’ll take care of it. So breathe.
Visited Mexico City and Greece, two places that had long been on my short to-travel list. I would go back to either in a heartbeat.
“When you’re fully alive, you’re constantly surprised. […] Dare to cultivate curiosity instead of fear and control. Dare to celebrate whatever comes next.” — Heather Havrilesky4
Rarely felt lonely.
E described my life in a season of purging and shedding. (Very snake year.) No better way to put it, only I will add that it was so rich and shifting.
Thought to myself walking around Shoreditch one day: I’m not going to let anyone disrupt this peace! I haven’t felt this wondrous swell of peace in such a long time.
Had started a full list of ideas for a books-led/reading content series from two years ago that I haven’t felt due to pursue. Then in June I began, without overthinking, sharing my book thoughts. It’s inspired friends to pick up a book for the first time in years. And I don’t know! Maybe it’s the start of something or maybe this is it.
Continuously navigating feelings about the relationships between my job and my identity; my job and my career; my job and my self-worth.
The people that interest me are those with creative ideas, a sense of curiosity, dedication to their craft, an attraction to beauty.
Show me your ambition.
“I think you have to touch the void in order to want it for the right reasons.” — Zane Lowe
Whatever it takes. — E
I will never again settle and I am no longer fearful of what that means.
The energy you put out really does come back to you.5
Finally: Monet’s water lilies at L’Orangerie. The last time I was on a solo trip in Paris and naively thought I could just show up—the queue was long and off I went to Smith & Son to take shelter from the drizzle. This time we made sure to book in advance, then made two full rounds around the gallery.
Presence and Resonance.
In conversation with C, advised them to take the actual opportunity they have in front of them, instead of giving it up for maybes or what ifs. Was as much for them to hear as it was for me.
One day I asked where’s the magic in my life?6 Everything’s changed since. Highly recommend you go audacious.
ALIVENESS.
Said yes to having my photos7 taken by Sherry. Saw my room, and by extension my life, in a different light.
Don’t Say Nothing. — Anthony Burrill at a Nicer Tuesdays
Looked up while waiting for the bus and everything about why I loved London clicked.
Asked for a guy’s number, by way of a friend.
First time approaching someone IRL to ask if they’d like to be interviewed for Objectively.
Just reach out! — E
Left a Creative Living photoshoot asking myself, when will you start taking yourself seriously? Harsh but this is me inspired.
“Who’s going to give you authority to feel what you notice is important? It will have to be you.” — in Several Short Sentences About Writing (I haven’t read this but soon I will.)
Hosted my parents in London, and had them at my 30th birthday drinks. A crossover I didn’t know I needed.
“You’re going to arrive at the thing anyway, might as well get there quicker.” — E
J sharing that she’s excited by the boundlessness of her social media career; Paloma Lanna on finding something she wants to do for life upon starting Paloma Wool; Sari Azout looking for an exist strategy instead of an exit strategy. All have helped me to articulate what I actually care to build.
My best friend made me a cassette mixtape for my birthday. Every track made me cry, or laugh, or scream like when I realised she included a song I hate.
Learning that life can look so different to what you envision it to be, but still filled with opportunities and growth that is ultimately your journey. “I never get exactly what I thought I came for. And that’s kind of the point.”8
The best thing you can do is reach out before you feel ready. The next best thing is to keep showing up and doing the work. You never quite know who will come by.
Life is bound to go in unplanned ways, but often not unexpectedly. What I mean: some breakups or reunions take way longer than they should; sometimes we take years to land jobs we thrive in. When these moments arrive however, it’s less a shock and more a sigh of relief. An alignment with an inner knowing. I can only hope we have the courage to walk away/towards the right things sooner.
“Blossoming is hard.” — Anna Gerber at a CreativeMornings. She talked about how a germinating plant pushes through soil, sometimes cracks, a forceful motion. Felt particularly timely as everything was shifting with how I was seeing my life and relationships and self-worth at that time. It felt like recognition of how trying, yet vital, it’s all been.
Being honest with what gives me intrinsic motivation at work—the only person I’ve seemed to be able to fool about what that is has been myself. The thought of that is both comforting and humbling. Comforting because I am a truth-seeker and I love it when people hold me a mirror; humbling to know there’s no way I can run from the truth.
Sometimes it’s less important why something happened, even if it matters.
F saying ours was one of the rare interview experiences she felt understood. Honestly think some decisions I make make me a bad ‘strategist’ but I stand by them because I care more about my interviewees feeling seen and centred. Clickbait for clickbait’s sake is unenticing to me.
Enjoyed reading away my nights with a half-pint. No one cares that you are alone on a Friday night.
Started a would-be business then decided against it, for I realised I was again looking at things the way they ‘should be’ done. Tried-and-tested for others surely, but at heart not for me. Back to the drawing board!
“Leave your fearless trace, dove sta memoria, because beauty matters.” — Sally Mann9
Blossoming, becoming, being, rooting, letting go.
Flipping through my yearly summary from the year before, I found this that feels like my whole life right now: Stay open to the mysterious currents guiding me toward something new.10 Yancey Strickler wrote this, I read it, I noted it down, sometime in the future (now) I get to read it anew, and now you. As Sally Mann wrote in her latest book, keep writing that one true sentence you know. You never know how it ripples.
I referenced this thing I wrote in full in it goes if you let it.
“If you're a great artist, you'll have one good idea in your career. And if you’re a genius, you’ll have two good ideas.”
“You will have only one story,” she had said. “You’ll write your one story many ways.”
An effective explanation of how manifestation works.
Colin King’s Thoughts at the New York Flower Market
Art Work: On The Creative Life by Sally Mann