#51 thought of you for some reason

knowing and listening and doing are different things

some habits are so integral they become your being, the way you move through everything, without even thinking. setting aside time each week to reflect is one of those for me. for almost three and a half years, i’ve been answering one simple question, what have you done to expand your world?

things don’t have to be new to be new to you. sparks can come from routine. just the other day, i realised i actually want a simple life—which might be hard for some to believe, when it seems like i keep searching for something different. “had a thought: i want a simple life, but one that always feels open to possibilities (meaning growth i guess) / when it comes down to it all I want is to be with my loved ones, have good coffee everyday, be able to read, stay active, enjoy beauty, stay curious”. don’t we all. a few days later i came across this quote, “tell me your dreams, not your ambitions”¹, and suddenly it all made sense.

in one of many fab ideas that come to me while swimming, i thought i could share some of my reflections here, in a bid to practise releasing², oh and for the mere joy of passing it on. my swimming brain always zealous, then fizzes. i thought to post these in rough Notes-like form, but i think that lack of fullness is what gives me pause. at the same time, it can feel baring, maybe too in-the-moment (current currents???), so they’ll live behind the paywall. the cost of intimacy!

during a recent conversation, i described this season of my life as rich and shifting; E said i’m purging and shedding. i don’t think there’s a better way to put it. and still, just always in awe of life, time, love. and how important it is to Have Fun. i didn’t think i would say this, especially because weeks after starting this draft, i hit a wall around 70% of the way through and assumed i wouldn’t post it. but i kept coming back and at some point felt a shift: this feels fun—the moulding, persisting, daring, trying something new—so here i am. with, needless to say, an overhauled intro.

“You don’t know a thing about the person you’ll turn out to be in a few years. That’s what’s so incredible: When you’re fully alive, you’re constantly surprised. Joy springs from surprise, from uncertainty, from surrender. Romance and trust and deep communion are always left to chance. Dare to cultivate curiosity instead of fear and control. Dare to celebrate whatever comes next.”

(from Ask Polly)

this idea came to me back in April. of course, it’s proven hard to write every week. (if such dispatches resonate with you, with me, i’ll try to do them more often than once a quarter, lol.) since then, i’ve returned to London; travelled to Cancun for work; popped over to visit Mexico City after years of quiet yearning (did not disappoint!); and now i’m back in London, the city i can’t seem to escape, settling into gentler routines.

so, going back a bit to the third week of April, my 172nd Sunday/Monday of reflecting (!!!):

• deciding not to visit nyc this month, or, the manifestation of a cosmic lesson

• learning something new about my granddad and what that reminded me about love

• two perspectives on a single question

• friendship is romantic

• book of the week: Family Meal by Bryan Washington

• a journal entry, “[…] without it, everything would be different.”

• photos of a few beautiful things

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